Danny Guspie asked:


Here are some examples of typical problems divorced dads regularly face, and their initial solutions, which you must test and observe. If you are getting the results you want, then see what you can do to gain momentum and acceleration by intensifying what you are doing. However, if it’s making things worse, stop and re-evaluate. Do something different if necessary.

SPECIFIED ACCESS ORDERS

Danny, can you give us an example of what you mean by specific times? Are you talking like every second weekend from Friday and 6 p.m.?

The typical first of orders that dads initially get don’t have any specifics when it comes to access / visitation unless if they are with an inexperienced lawyer or are representing themselves without doing the necessary educational work beforehand.

For example, an order should specify that you will pick up the kid at 6:00 on Friday and drop the child off at 6:00 Sunday, then if the child is not there or they are not answering the phone, then all of sudden you can say, “I followed these instructions and I’m not able to see my child.” When you bring it back to a Family Court Judge for enforcement and Police assistance.

Then you are able to start taking it up notch by notch, as is necessary to get compliance from Mom, or the Court to begin taking action if Mom refuses to comply.

But here is the problem that most people do not realize and they do not recognize. They believe that the justice system is going to be absolutely fair and unbiased and perfect. And, it’s a slow and expensive process. Nothing goes quickly, and you must get used to that fact.

We do not live in a perfect world.

We live in an extremely unfair world. Murderers are set free early for committing horrendous crimes. Family court is no different. There are good judges. There are bad judges. There are indifferent judges.

Even judges have bad days.

It comes down to this fact at the end of the day: You have got to be the educated party and be very, very vigorous with the game plan in order to make significant progress. If you do not have a game plan, then you are essentially adrift. If you are adrift, you are at the mercy of the biases and the bigotry that goes on at Family Court.

We know that the Family Courts often seem to favor mothers and to the detriment of the children. However we know that moms and dads are important to children. That is a fact, and no amount of social science theory is going to change that fact. Just watch how young children love to horse around with their fathers.

I’ve seen judges throw the book at mothers who misbehave and I had seen judges who award custody to fathers when they have been able to prove the case. It is not as easy when you are a father, but it can be done. We have done a plenty of times here for a lot of fathers that we helped over the years.

CHRISTMAS EVE PHONE CALLS

Some divorced dads have asked us: Will it be possible for me to at least talk with my 5-year-old daughter on Christmas night? Does her mom have the absolute right to not let me speak with our daughter? What if she does, do I have a right to change that or call her?

Is there a way to get around that since we live in different cities, different states/provinces? Is there any official who can help me with an order that allows me to call my daughter? Is there a common family law which rules equally in different places?

Let us start at the beginning of this. If you have got someone who is misbehaving in the first place, you have got to be very, very vigorous in going after that kind of behavior. If you let it slide, you have acquiesced to what it is that is taking place.

What that means is this: There is a principle in law that if you do not do something about a wrong when it occurs, then in essence you are agreeing to it. You are saying it is okay and it is not a problem.

In other words, your inaction means it is okay with you You’ve consented by virtue of your actions or inactions.

So, even though in truth, it is not okay with you, but you did not know what to do, so you have been kind of sitting on the sidelines thinking, “What can I do about it?” That actually works against you.

It is almost like you have to reverse psychology of the bully. The bully will keep prodding and prodding and prodding and prodding to get their way. You have got to be vigorous, but in a friendly way.

In other words, do not give up. Do not just sit back and say, “Well, I don’t know what to do now.” Or “It is too frustrating” or “I don’t wanna do this.” If you take that route, you can’t complain about it.

Let’s face it. You’re going through not only the financial constraints, the emotional constraints, but the obstacles of not being educated about how the Family Court operates. It is almost like you have to start thinking like a lawyer to be able to defend yourself.

That can be pretty difficult.

However, you need to know that there are many, many divorced dads who have successfully learned the skills necessary to succeed.

I should know I am one of those dads. And I have helped countless divorced dads to win when there cases seemed impossible to win. But it takes time, patience, skill, and the winning attitude. Be prepared to give up the things that are hurting your case. Sometimes divorced dads can be their own worst enemy, because they seek perfect justice instead of a swift successful strategy that has worked for many divorced dads.

You can make it if you try. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.



Joseph Wyatt

Danny Guspie asked:


DISCLAIMER: The following is NOT legal advice, nor is it a substitute for legal advice. If you are in Family Court you will need legal advice, so please see a lawyer.

Often, when a divorced dad goes to Family Court, he fails to realize the value of having a GREAT strategy comes down to POSITIONING.

In my experience, the best positions to be in are these:

(a) person who is no longer angry;

(b) person who is levelheaded;

(c) person who has not lost perspective; and/or

(d) person who still has a sense of respectful humour.

To assume any of these positions, first of all, you have to come to an acceptance of your role in the situation to begin with.

All successful fathers that I have ever met, and this will include me I raised two children as a single father, have to come to the recognition that you picked your wife and she picked you.

What does that say about both of you?

More often than not, you go in family court everyday and what you hear is she is crazy, he is crazy, he is no good, she is no good. The judge is up there going like “Gosh, it’s only 10:30, what time does my golf game start? I am sick and tired of hearing this crap.”

Then they think well, there is no golf in December if they live in the north where it’s snowing so their mind wanders to something more pleasant. So begin with the presumption, especially if it’s late in the day when you are before a Judge that they are tired and cranky from listening to people complain all day long, but rarely accept responsibility.

When you know what the truth of the matter is, you have got to be very, very clever and slowly but surely slicing and dicing your way when your are questioning other side’s arguments. Help me to understand what it is that you are saying, help me to understand how that is to the best interest of the children, how does that all work?

My best suggestion – Go in there with the attitude “You know what, Your Honor? I picked her, she picked me, we have made a mess, here’s how we can make it better, let’s see if we can roll the peanut up the road a bit today.

The last part is for levity. To break the ice. BE careful though. Some Judges don’t like levity. Attend Court and observe Judges. Study then learn to read your audience (the particular Judge you are in front of). Learn what they like and dislike and govern yourself accordingly.

Above all – advocate for the children. That means, do not be waging war. Instead, wage peace.

Here’s how: Try and explain how things are good for the children. The judges do not care about what is good for you. Very often, many divorced dads feel the judges do not care what is good for the children. But I see in watching in court a good 50-60% of the time that the way things are expressed is all in terms of what it is GOOD FOR YOU as opposed to WHAT IS GOOD FOR THE CHILDREN. If you change the direction of your sales pitch to the Judge, and frame it in terms how it benefits the children that is going to be a major improvement to your game plan.

It comes down to what words are you using. How are you presenting it to the judge? Let’s put it into an easy to understand context. Here are two example questions:

What do I do if my wife says no to Christmas? How can I enforce my court order to see my daughter during the holidays?

The fact is, if you do go into an emergency situation in front of a judge and say, “Can you please explain to me how this is of any benefit to my daughter that I do she won’t have some time with me so we can share the spirit of Christmas together?”, that is a totally different way of approaching it. Most people would be upset about the situation to the point of being angry in front of the Judge.

That’s just allowing yourself to be set-up for your ex-wife for the kill. She’ll be tearful in front of the Judge saying Who me? I’m not saying no, he’s so angry your honor look at him now, can you see why I am afraid of him?

Got it? This happens so often to divorced dads you’d think they’d wake up to the shenanigans of their ex-wives. But many fall into this trap all of the time.

A better action step is understanding the terrain, having an accurate map. You have to go into Family Court and start learning the ropes. If you do not do that, then you do not have an understanding of really what is going on, how it is going on, the subtlety of the things that are going on, a lot of this is just going over your head.

You are making decisions based on the lack of knowledge rather than knowledge itself which brings us to step three, education, finding and emulating models of success. When you go into court, you are going to see dads that get fried and then you are going to see dads who get what it is that they are looking for.

If you watch this process, you are going to see judges making the same decisions again and again and again. So, if you go in there and watch and you find successful models, you have to take those strategies and begin adapting them to your situation. Go talk to lawyers who are winning for fathers.

Go talk to those fathers who are in there by themselves and winning on their own terms and sit there and watch how judges decide things. I am telling you, if you sit there for an entire day, by 2:00 in the afternoon you are going to be predicting probably with about 90% accuracy what the judges are going to do.

If you cannot make it to the courts all the time, I do recommend watching Judge Judy or any of the Judge Judy type of programs. It is a great start because you will start to be able to predict what is going to happen. It is amazing.

People are creatures of habit. They keep doing the same things again and again and again.

So, plan your victory. Understand how to corner and expose the truth.

Corner and expose the truth. What do I mean by that? I am going to presume that all of you at one time or another stole a cookie out of the cookie jar and got nailed by mom. How did that happen? First of all, you denied that you even took a cookie in the first place by the fact that there were crumbs coming out of your mouth and there was a trail of crumbs leading all the way back to the cookie jar.

And there was a missing cookie.

So, you were in front of a television set and a big pile of crumbs sitting in front of you. So, mom started asking 20 questions until finally you had no other choice but to admit that you were lying.

You’ve got to look at what evidence you have and work the trail out. But you’ve got to first get a hold of your emotions in order to not blow your opportunities in front of the Family Court Judge.

It takes discipline and practice but the resulting payoff can be ENORMOUS.



Vanesa Moran

david slepkow asked:


A partition case in Rhode Island (RI) is an equitable, legal action in which a person corporation or legal entity can force the sale of real estate against another co-owner or life tenant. Partition cases can be a result of many different types of real property disputes between owners or life tenants or other people with interests in the property as set forth in the Rhode Island statute.  A partition case can involve either residential or commercial real estate.

If a partition lawsuit is filed and there is no defense to the actual partition then the Court will appoint a commissioner to sell the real estate. Please note that there are usually no defenses to the actual partition. A potential defense which is rarely successful is that the property could be divided by meets and bounds. Another possible defense could be that the entity has no legal right to do the partition because they do not qualify under the Rhode Island statute or don’t have proper legal title to the property etc. There are other potential defenses that are not set forth in this article.

In the vast majority of partition cases, there is no way to stop the partition of the property unless there is a settlement.  If there is no settlement, the Rhode Island Superior Court will appoint a commissioner to sell the property. In some limited circumstances a partition case can be filed in the Rhode Island Family Court. A Partition Action in the RI Family Court would usually be in the context of a post divorce action involving third party owners or even a divorce involving third parties

When a commissioner is appointed to sell the real estate, the parties lose a lot of control over the sale of the property.  A commissioner is an independent Rhode Island Attorney / lawyer appointed by the Superior Court Judge.  A commissioner will be very expensive to the parties because the commissioner legal fees will be taken from the proceeds of the sale before the distribution to the parties.

The commissioner may also hire other real estate experts such as a real estate appraiser to do a appraisal of the property. The commissioner may also search title to the property or hire a title examiner to determine if any other parties have an interest in the real estate. The title examiner or commissioner would need to search title at the registry of deeds. If there are title issues concerning the property the commissioner may incur legal fees to resolve the title issues. Other parties with an interest in the real estate may need to be joined as parties. The commissioner will also hire a realtor to list the real estate for sale on the open market. The commissioner will usually agree to pay the realtor the prevailing commission rate. The Realtor will be paid his or her commision at the real estate closing. Either party to the partition lawsuit, the plaintiffs or the defendants may be given an opportunity to purchase the property so long as they are willing to pay the fair market value of the real estate.

In a vast majority of the partition cases a settlement of the case is reached before a commissioner is appointed. This allows the parties to avoid the expense of the commissioner and avoid other legal fees for the parties lawyers / attorneys. If the case is not settled then the commissioner will sell the property and put the proceeds of the sale into the registry of Court and the parties can then argue as to who is entitled to those proceeds. The commissioner may need to deal with eviction issues or landlord tenant issues related to nonpayment of rent.

After the property is sold by the commissioner the parties have a right to argue as to what interest they have to the proceeds that are being held by the Court. The parties have a right to a hearing / trial on the merits concerning their respective rights to the proceeds. The parties can dispute and argue about issues concerning payment of taxes, assessments, condominium issues, insurance, condominium fees, mortgage payments, payments of the home equity line, payment of lines of credit secured by the real estate, utilities, payment of heat, electric, water, maintenance of the property, upkeep, additions, rent of tenants, remodeling issues, contracts between the parties, payment of condo fees, common maintenance fees, legal fees etc. The Superior Court Judge or potentially a Jury (if applicable) will determine these issues.

Partition cases are often filed in the context of family disputes between family members who are feuding or cannot agree whether or not to sell the property. In some instances the family dispute concerns who is responsible to pay for taxes, insurance, additions, maintenance or upkeep of the property. Sometimes, the parties cannot agree to the reasonable fair market value of the property.

In other instances the family members just hate each other and their animosity leads to vindictiveness and eventually to a partition lawsuit in Court.  Many of these feuds are long standing family disputes and issues between brothers and sisters, parents and children, uncles, cousins, or other distant relatives. These cases are particular sad when they involve fathers or mothers feuding with their children (son or daughter)

In some cases, the property is viewed as a valuable family homestead passed down through the generations to one member of the family while the other member of the family wants to sell the property (home) and cash out the equity in the property.

Partition cases also are filed in the context of boyfriends and girlfriends breakups , or significant others who are involved in nasty breakups or even amicable breakups and cannot agree on what share of the proceeds each of the parties will receive upon the sale of the real estate. Partition cases can also be the result of a homosexual / gay relationships terminating. Since Rhode Island does not have gay marriages, gay couples who cannot agree on what to do with the real estate of their domestic partnership may have to file a partition case in Superior Court. Rhode Island Family Court Does not have jurisdiction over these types of disputes.

Partition actions can also be filed in the context of other types of disputes. A Life tenant  with a life estate can seek to force the sale of the property against the owner of the property. A life tenant is a person with a deeded life estate with the right to live on the property for the remainder of his or her life. When the life tenant dies the life estate is extinguished. The life tenant can seek a sale of the property and can seek to partition the property.



Tanya Lindsey

waseem Ahmad Lone asked:


 

 

          The differences between the husband and the wife in a marital life is something to which no couple could be an exception. However the dispute becomes grave when one partner decides to seek the counsel of a Lawyer to avail the legal remedies. Naturally the other partner also joins the chorus by seeking his share of legal remedies. A simple dispute that could be settled by admitting a mistake now blows beyond the limits of possibility of mutual patch up. When a lawyer hears to the woeful tail of one partner or the other, the straitjacket procedures of law begin to override the delicate and emotional cord of love and affection that holds a couple together. Invariably a wife is advised to file a suit for maintenance and a suit for custody of the child whereas the husband is asked to divorce the wife so that she cannot claim maintenance.

 

          It is said that when a lawyer represents a person before the Hon’ble Court he steps into the shoes of that person meaning thereby that his perception of the problem is taken to be the perception of his client. The Lawyer would perceive a marital dispute like any other dispute. He is trained to advise his client about the methods of exploiting the existing law to his best advantage and to the detriment of the other party. The social, psychological and emotional aspects of the problem have no bearing on his handling of the case unless of course if he is personally having such orientation of mind as to take into account such aspects of a problem.

 

          As such a question arises that is a lawyer a person competent to handle the dispute arising between of a husband and wife? Does it not require a delicate touch to heal the wounds of shattered partners when the dispute takes the centre stage in their marital life? Probably every social scientist would agree with me if I say that a lawyer is not competent to handle such a situation. It would be correct even to say that even our courts are not equipped to address the delicate and emotional issues of marital life.

 

          Our law has been framed based on the premise that women in our society are weak and infirm. Criminal Procedure Code provides that a women is entitled to maintenance from her husband if he neglects her. she can enforce the same through the court of law. She may also claim maintenance for her children. A lawyer advises her to file maintenance suit on her behalf and on behalf of their children. As a measure of interim relief the wife is granted an interim maintenance say of rupees one thousand or two thousand. Now, since the husband has to pay an assured sum as ordered by the court to his wife against his will, the differences becomes more sharp leading to a point of no return.

 

          A question that arises, “Is a maintenance awarded because the husband refuses to maintain her?” As I perceive the dispute arises on something else may be mother in law and wife is not getting along well or the wife insists to have a separate home for herself or else the couple is not getting along well etc. etc. So the dispute is not that husband refuses to maintain his wife. The dispute is that relationship is not working on the expected lines for both the husband and wife. The maintenance that is supposed to protect a woman from being neglected is not used for its intended purpose but instead becomes a weapon of fight and intimidation in the hands of a wife.

 

          The law as it is and the procedures that we adopt do not help the disputing couple as it ought to. The wife is perennially left to sustain on the meager sum awarded as maintenance. The Children of such a couple become victims of the dispute between parents. The husband is in perennial mess as he has to maintain the wife who refuses to live with him and who inculcates hatred in his children against him as a matter of revenge. The prolonged litigation adds to the woes of such husband, wife and children. The couple spends their prime time of youth in fighting the legal battle. In the process they loose sight of the old age ahead and when it approaches they realize that they have lost everything to the marital dispute.

 

          To conclude my discussion I think a serious thought needs to be given to the whole process of marital disputes and the laws prevailing in this field. A marital dispute is a social and emotional issue and so the laws and the framework of the redress ought to be alive to such dimensions so that a better mechanism for handling such disputes can be evolved. The solution perhaps lies in setting up of separate family courts. The law as it is needs to looked at afresh to create a mechanism for counseling to such couples as a measure of pre-litigation process so that the consequences that such a dispute has for the husband, wife and the children could be avoided.

 

 



Albert Mullen

Danny Guspie asked:


We often get asked this question: “Gee, can you just walk into a family court and watch?” You can. Some procedures, you can. There are other procedures that you cannot. Anything that involves any kind of child services, where there is some sort of abuse or things of that nature, those types of hearings are closed to the public. It would only be the parties involved, but if anything, there are motions and other types of procedures that the public is welcome to attend.

It is an excellent place, first of all, to get to know the judges in the area that you live. One day you may be in front of one of those judges. If you are not involved in the case and you are just watching it as a participant, it is not like watching Judge Judy on television. You are able to at some point be able to predict how Judge Judy will rule on a particular case because she becomes quite predictable.

Judges that you would be watching in the courtroom are much the same. Imagine if you already knew ahead of time when you are going into court and you are in front of a judge that you have been watching and all of a sudden you start to see something happening and you can predict now, “Oh, my God. He did the following when somebody reacted a certain way, so I’m not going to react that way because it was a negative outcome.”

It is an excellent place to start training yourself and get a clearer picture of who you are up against. It is also a great place to find a good lawyer because you are actually seeing them in action. You can also whittle away the ones that are not working too well for the people that they are representing.

I think too is that you are going to see fathers who lose, and you are going to see fathers who win. If you see some fathers who are winning, you should be buying them a cup of coffee and pick their brain for their successful strategies.

Most fathers do not talk to one another, they are going through the Family Court / Divorce process in isolation. Most people who are successful, as soon as they got out of the court system, they are done. They just want to forget about it and they do not share that knowledge and because they do not share that knowledge, that knowledge is not necessarily widely available or is not widely available as it should be, but the thing that you have got to keep in mind here is you got to ask yourself the right questions, sort of saying, “Geez, I don’t believe anything could be done about this situation.”

You have got to ask yourself the question, “What can I do about this situation?” Then you got to get busy starting with going into family court, getting on the internet, going to a site such as ours and looking for resources. If you’re not in Ontario, Canada, you certainly can be going on to the web in your local state or your province or the jurisdiction, the district that you are living in. You’ll likely find information about family court, family court procedures, the law, and you can begin learning this piece by piece. The things we teach are very common sense ideas that don’t require you to understand the law, but how to best position yourself within your facts; how best to persuade others in position of power be it a Judge or a Custody & Access Assessor.

It is not that you will learn it all instantly or that you will become a lawyer as a result, but you will have more knowledge than 95% of the people who walked into court with a lawyer.

Very often, one of the things, clients say to us about their former lawyers: “You know that lawyer was absolutely useless for us. He didn’t say this and he didn’t say that.” Well, that comes down to, if you got 50 clients on the go you cannot possibly remember every fact that you are going to argue about for your client. It’s important to work as a team together to reduce overall legal costs.

The vast majority of clients cannot pay for days of studying and researching a case. Most cases do not require that depth, because they resolve in predictable ways that lawyers and legal professionals see every day. This is known as case law or precedent. These are previously decided cases that illustrate legal principles, usually that have made their way up to the appeal courts. And the lower courts, including Family Court are bound by such decisions to an extent

A good advocate is going to be educating his client before Court. They will also include the client in at certain points the discussion with the judge in order to speed the process up. If you got an ineffective advocate, he is not going to be doing very much, just sitting there and essentially letting it all happen. This is another big complaint that we get from a lot fathers is “my lawyer did not do anything.”

So, this is why we say you have got to become an active participant in the process. You have got to become educated about family court, learn that court inside out, learn your judges, learn the law, learn the procedure, learn where the photocopier is, learn who the good clerks when you file are and learn who the bad ones are, just stay away from them because you cannot even have problems filing your paperwork.

When you learn the ropes in Family Court, you improve the odds immeasurably for yourself. Especially if you’ve exhausted your finances and you find yourself without any legal representation.

In the many years I’ve helped fathers, the ones who have the most success are prepared through self-education. And its very satisfying when I hear that a Divorced Dad wins in Family Court without a lawyer, against his ex-wife’s lawyer who thought the divorced dad was a “know nothing”.

The truth is this: When you’re up against a know it all lawyer who sees you there without a lawyer, they let their guard down and get sloppy.

And that is where a HUGE advantage lies for you, if you do the work we suggest above.



Priscilla Bates

david slepkow asked:


In Rhode Island (RI), A guardian ad litem is an individual  appointed by a Family Court Judge. The Guardian represents the hypothetical best interest of the minor child in a child custody, visitation or other type of Family Court case. The Guardian ad litem is not a lawyer for the minor child!

Guardians are frequently used in contentious custody cases when the parties have the resources to afford a guardian. The judge could make an appointment of a Guardian or the parties can agree to a guardian being appointed. If the parties cannot afford a guardian, the Court can have Rhode Island Family Services do a home study and investigation for free.

A guardian is typically an attorney / lawyer who has been certified by the Family Court. They are required to get certified by the Court after  many hours of training.  A psychologist or psychiatrist could also act as a Guardian ad Litem. Guardian ad litems are very expensive.

Usually, both parties pay 1/2 of the expense. However, if one party has substantially more resources then the other party then that person may be ordered by the judge to pay up to 100 percent of the cost. If one person conduct caused the need for the guardian or is at fault they could be ordered to pay up to 100 percent of the cost.

The retainer for the Court Appointed Guardian usually averages between $2,000 to $4,000 depending upon the complexity of the case. This can be very difficult to afford in a Rhode Island divorce or custody case because both parties are paying their RI divorce attorney / lawyer.

In complex cases involving lots of evidence, witnesses and complexities, a guardian may cost substantially more then $4000. They bill on an hourly basis ranging between $150 to $250 an hour.

A guardian does not make the final decision as to which parent shall get physical placement or legal custody of the child. The judge makes the final decision regarding custody, visitation and physical placement / possession after hearing testimony at trial or hearing. The guardian drafts a report to submit to the Court with his or her findings and recommendations.

A Guardian ad Litem could be appointed in a dcyf case, divorce case, visitation case, custody case or other type of Family Court action.

The Guardian interviews both parents and interviews other witnesses involved in the childrens life such as teachers, social workers, guidance counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, grandparents, aunts etc. The Guardian will have full access to medical records related to the child and perhaps the parents. He will have access to education, religious and other records related to the child. The amount of witnesses interviewed sometimes depends on whether the parties can afford additional work.

The guardian typically interviews the minor children about their opinions concerning legal custody, placement and visitation. The older the child, the more weight the he or she will give to the childrens preferences regarding custody or visitation.The guardian can recommend that other professionals get involved such as licensed clinical social workers, and psychologists.

Even though the judge makes the final decision regarding placement, legal custody and visitation, in reality, the guardian’s report usually decides the issues. The judge typically adopts the recommendations of the Guardian. Both parties have the right to call the guardian as a witness and challenge the opinions and the basis of those opinions.

However, judges typically get frustrated by anyone who challenges the recommendations. It is extremely difficult to get a RI Family Court judge to not adopt the recommendations.

The Guardian typically does not get involved in determining Rhode Island Child Support.



Kari Santos

Danny Guspie asked:


DISCLAIMER: The following is NOT legal advice, nor is it a substitute for legal advice. If you are in Family Court you will need legal advice, so please see a lawyer.

Being denied visitation time with your children when you separate and /or divorce is the # one frustration that all divorced dads share in common. Here’s a common story that I was recently told by one father:

I have access every weekend with my son, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, but last week the judge decided to make it every other weekend so that the mother can spend time with my son. She never had weekends before but pleaded for it on compassionate grounds and the judge gave it to her.

She really had no basis for this from my perspective and I was very disappointed. The new schedule is very disruptive. What can be done?

Compensatory access. It is basically saying how are you going to make it up to me that my child has lost with me that they are currently benefiting from.? You need to think long and hard about this.

The next suggestion I have in this situation is to have realistic expectations. Having a child every weekend is a very unusual situation for any divorced dad. However if you have that order, recognize it can be and likely will be changed if Mom seeks such an order.

Flexibility is called for. For example, your approach may have been: “Well, you know what? I can understand how she might want some time! What we need to do here is look at the current schedule our son should not lose the time he has with me. Here’s why?

Then stress benefits, benefits, benefit to the child. The Judge does not care about your losing time, but they will care about what your child loses if you can make a clear, convincing, compelling case that persuades the Judge about what the child gains in being with you.

For example: Here is how I am involved in his life and here are all the benefits to him. She wants once a weekend. That is fine. What will our son get in return for that weekend he is losing with me?”

Do you see the difference in how the situation is being expressed?

It is being expressed from the child’s perspective, NOT yours. That’s where the most powerful evidence exists in such matters.

BUT, for some divorced dads, you’ll need to practice seeing and expressing things in this new way. It takes some training of your natural reactions and skills to articulate a situation that does not naturally come to most people.

That’s because most people describe their circumstances in terms of how affects them. In custody and access / child visitation matters, Family Court Judges are directed to decide why anything being asked for by a parent is best for the child, not the parent.

If you go and watch what goes on in your local Family Court, you will see this principle in action again and again.

Do just that! Go watch how Judges decide things, and figure out how you can position yourself within your situation so a Judge sees it and automatically reaches for the same solution you are seeking.

Understand that Family Court is an institution that is very predictable, but that there are exceptions that you see again and again when they arise.

The only way to learn about that is to go and watch the action on days when motions are held, and mom, dad and their lawyers present evidence and argue for temporary orders.

After doing this for several days, you will see things with a fresh set of eyes. You will be amazed at what you learn in a very short space of time and how that will affect your choices and instructions to your lawyer.

My final suggestion is this: Life is often unfair. Family Court is one place where we see unfairness often. However, if you ONLY go to learn about Family Court, the day you have a hearing scheduled, you won’t learn much.

That’s because you’ll be too nervous, worried, concerned and afraid of what’s to come. Preparation will address these issues and help you to begin seeing what a Judge sees.

If you do this you will hold an advantage in the situation. And isn’t that what you really want?

Be fair with yourself and put the time in or face the consequences and costs of poor decisions and choices based on a total lack of knowledge about how Family Court operates.

In the final analysis, this is the most important set of choices you’ll ever make for your children. Shouldn’t you do that based on facts that you’ve confirmed about Family Court, instead of guessing?

I’m sure you know the answer. I encourage you to get going. Learn everything you can about these matters Don’t just complain about unfairness, TAKE ACTION to optimize your chances of success.



Alondra Bryant

david slepkow asked:


Top 8 arguments that typically do not work in Family Court in Rhode Island (RI). I also seriously doubt that  they work anywhere else! Article by a Rhode Island divorce and family law lawyer. This article applies to all family law cases including divorce, child custody, child visitation and paternity cases

#1.  If I allow him visitation,  he is going to kidnap my children.

This argument typically does not work because the judges have heard it a million times before.  This argument is based on rank speculation. If the judge did not allow visitation solely based on an unsubstantiated allegation of hypothetical child kidnapping then it would be too easy to deprive a person of visitation. Furthermore, courts cannot issue orders based on hypotheticals.  All that the court can do is issue an order. 

The Rhode Island Family court is  usually willing to issue an order that the party cannot permanently remove the minor child from the state of Rhode Island.  In some instances the court will issue a restraining order against out of  state travel for significant periods of time without prior consent.

If there is evidence that the person may take off with the children then this argument might be taken seriously. 

#2.  The child is so young that the child needs to wake up in my house Christmas morning to open the  Christmas presents. 

This argument typically does not work  because the judges have heard it a million times before.  This is an argument based on emotion. Judges typically believe that the parents  should alternate Christmas visitation.  However some judges may be sympathetic to a very young child  between the ages of 3-7 waking up at the house where they live on Christmas morning.

#3.  Even though the drug test was negative, he must  have taken supplements or drank a lot of water because he  is still using drugs.

This argument typically does not work. The Rhode Island Family Court has a drug testing facility.  The judges believe that the testing procedure at that facility is accurate and therefore must rely on it. 

This argument is usually based on rank speculation.  Unless a person has actual evidence that the person is cheating the drug test than this argument will usually fall on deaf ears.

#4. He doesn’t even know how to change a diaper.

 

The judges figure that he will figure it out. Every new parent must learn how to change diapers.

#5. He is seeking visits to get back at me, he does not really want visitation.

This usually cannot be proved and frankly the judges are sick and tired of this argument.

#6. I just use drugs occasionally and its only marijuana.

Drug are drugs to  family Court Judges! Any Illegal drug use is grounds for taking the children from the parent with physical custody and placing them with the other parent. Drug use could also lead the Court to order that all future visitation with the minor children be supervised visits.

#7. The only reason he wants visitation is so his parents can visit with the children

Unless you can prove that he does not spend time with the children and his parents spend all the time with them during visits then this argument will not work!

#8. He has not paid his child support so he should not have visitation with the child!

The Courts are not willing to punish the children by disallowing visitation because a parent is in arrears in  payment of child support. Nonpayment of child support is not a reason to suspend visitation!

Rhode Island Attorneys legal Notice per  RI Rules of Professional Responsibility:

The Rhode Island Supreme Court licenses all lawyers  in the general practice of law, but does not license or certify any lawyer / attorney as an expert or specialist in any field of practice.



Ann Kelley

Wycliffe Williams asked:


Is the day upon us when we need to vote reform family courts to support shared parenting? It’s a sad day when the parent who places the best interests of the child first-loses in court!

Many times their loss comes about only because they don’t know how to make their best case. And their attorneys are just as bad!

Two child custody lawyers with over 30 years each in the child custody field have combined their decades of experience to produce the awesome book “2006 Custody Strategies.”

They have been expert witnesses, custody evaluators and consultants. These two authors are also editors of a national publication on custody matters. They have stuffed a tremendous amount of information into this book.

A few of the chapters are, “Most frequently Made Error.” The authors have expressed shock that even attorneys who are caught up in custody battles themselves don’t know this single most important fact. They call it the best kept secret in the world.

Another chapter, “The Single Biggest False Assumption,” zeroes in on a crucial assumption that all and sundry run after as if in thrall of some Merlin.

Would you like to know 14 strategies that you can use in order to make a strong case for yourself? Of course you would. Strategy #1… you’ll have to get the book!

It is a travesty when a child is manipulated and brainwashed into turning against the other parent. It is truly a sad day when this happens. The authors have included a brilliant chapter called, “The Bribed Or Manipulated Child.”

If you believe that an evaluation was biased, or maybe even incomplete or just downright inaccurate, what can you do? They have included an excellent chapter on this very thing.

Are your funds tight? Are you cutting it close to the bone? Don’t worry, you’re not alone, trust me! They even have a wonderful chapter on the costs you can expect. And how to control them.

The authors have included what I believe to be the best bonus ever! We live in an ever changing world. Laws are enacted, policies are done away with and a new way of doing things is adopted.

They review and update whenever necessary. And those updates are free. When you purchase this book you are always current and up to date! That alone is worth the price of the book.



Ayanna Burke

Amit Mehta asked:


Probate is a process in which the court determines who is to receive assets that were once owned by a person who has died. Assets are considered to be anything of value owned by an individual and can include property, cash, stocks, bonds, jewelry, art, cars, or any other material item. Probate court records contain extensive lists of all of the assets listed in a person’s will as well as those things that were not listed in a will, but distributed by the court.

Probate court records contain much more than just a list of assets. Probate court records can also show collection debts that were owed to the person that died, or money that the deceased person owed to debtors. Probate court records can show that titles on the land the deceased person owned have been cleared and which banks or loan companies held the titles or processed the loans on properties owned by the person that died.

Probate court records contain all of the information about any disputes arose over the will left by the deceased person. A search through probate court records will show you if the will was contested and what parties it was contested by. Probate court records also show you who the court favored when it came to settling the claims and disputes that were raised.

Probate court records also show if there was a dispute raised concerning the validity of the will. Through probate court records, you can learn if the deceased person’s will was thought to be manipulated, or even an out and out fraud. Probate court records even tell you who brought claims of fraud against the will.

It can be very interesting to browse through probate court records. Often you will learn things about people that you never knew. Searching through the probate court records of your deceased family members could enlighten you about stories that were never told at the family reunions. Perhaps you had a relative that was decorated in the civil war and the perusal of their probate court records proves this because they left their medals to their grandchild. Perhaps you have cousins you never knew existed, but your great-grandfather’s probate court records indicate that he remembered a child that no one knew about, giving you the opportunity to contact a long lost family member. Perhaps your great uncle owned property in a state you didn’t even know your family ever visited and that information found in the probate court records opens the door for you to research branches of the family tree that would have been lost to you.

Probate court records are fun to browse through and often very enlightening. What a person left behind, often says a lot about that person, and probate court records are a fantastic glimpse into a person’s life.



Korbin Savage